My Dog is Moving to Mexico (and my heart is exploding)


So I’ve discovered “Coffee” and “Almond Joy Creamer.”

I’m very caffeine sensitive in that it makes my heart thunder in my throat and it makes me dizzy and sometimes I feel nauseated but not exactly energetic…however if I keep moving I don’t notice the ill so much so it motivates me somehow and maybe I am sort of physically hyped but my brain wants to sleep and my body is still weak…eventually a doctor might be able to figure out why I’m so tired and weak all the time. Bleagh.


Yesterday I had a cup and I scrubbed and rearranged the entire laundry room. It’s been a disaster for over a year (I don’t own this house I’m just the live-in nanny so I don’t take the blame, and generally don’t want to go digging around their rooms but goddamn it it was so messy and I just meant to wipe down the washer and dryer but then I had to do other stuff too) and I had enough so I made it friggin’ perfect.

Last night my boss asked me to help the kids get the playroom clean-clean and not just kid-clean. Since it’s a fraggin’ blizzard outside today I figured we would have a PJ day and clean up. They both suck at it so I quickly amended the plan to “movie to keep them out of my goddamn way and I will clean up.”

So now the room is spic-and-span whatever the hell a spic is (…huh. isn’t that some sort of racial slur? What the hell does that phrase even mean? A “span” has nothing to do with cleanliness) and I’m gonna be a lot more dictatorial about it getting cleaned up right since I basically hit the “reset” button for them. Everything has a goddamn place it’s CLEARLY visible that everything can be put into a container so they better fucking stop piling things up.

Okay. Sorry. Caffeine makes me angry apparently.

I even dragged the bookshelf the 7yo had in the closet of the room he shares with his brother into the playroom so we could actually USE those books instead of just forgetting them. I nearly died because I’m a wuss and the shelf was fucking heavy. I did get revenge for their cleaning fail by gleefully making them carry all the 150+ books into the playroom for me.

Also, while I was slaving away over a hot room (haw not really we have like 6″ of snow outside and it’s still falling) I came upon a pair of handcuffs the kids have for cops’n’robbers or their sex games or whatever a 4 and 7 year old would do with handcuffs (that was funnier in my head but I don’t feel like erasing it so ENJOY THE CREEPITUDE) and my dog happened to be lying down.

Handcuffs: for when you aren’t sure if your dog hates you enough yet.




While I was busily not writing for like two weeks!

I went out with my friends for the first time in months (driving to the boyfriend’s every weekend and working full time during the week has sort of fucked over my social life) and I was a horribly offensive zombie for the Denver Zombie Crawl.

I will let you chew on that and put up photos tomorrow so I can come up with a witty title and actually have something to write about.


So, in summary, I who never clean had coffee and it somehow made me into an OCD cleaning freak. I have a headache. My heart is beating at like 600 beats per minute and my veins are burning and I keep going to peek into the playroom and wondering why I can’t get my goddamn bedroom that neat and clean.


Also I’m a dick and my dog is going to kill me and move to Mexico where they don’t handcuff their dogs. She thinks. She should probably do her research.


5 responses »

    • She always looks so defeated when I mess with her. xDD I’m much calmer now but damned if I didn’t write that post at a million words a minute. For a while I couldn’t even write coherent words, my mind was working faster than my fingers.

Wow, I can even change the prompt? Neat. Talk to me!

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