The Time I Terrified Wil Wheaton

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So I’m a dork and I go to events like Dragon*con. You’d think this would be cripplingly terrifying, flying by myself out to Atlanta and riding the MARTA crammed with people… but it’s not so bad since there’s alcohol literally EVERYWHERE at D*con.

I figured this post would be the best way to introduce myself to the blogging world. Hi there.

At Dragon*con this year I was waiting for an upper-level elevator which is different from the regular ones (there’s a few that go to floors 1-10, and others 10-40, and two more 41-the end …something like that) and the system for figuring out which is what is completely confusing as hell so I was totally lost and just assumed I was in the right place because the goddamn signs make exactly NO sense. I should mention I was in full armor for my Ashlotte costume from Soul Calibur IV.

So Wil is standing there with his publicist or something and the guy is listing off a bunch of plans for the day and because I started drinking at like 6am I’m not in my usual terrified state of mind (panic disorders unite. Also I’m joking, I was barely even buzzed…which makes this worse somehow.)… so I blurt “sounds like a BUSY DAY!” and they both turn and stare at me and the guy is like “…what?” and I was like “O_O you…you were…listing a lot of. Um. Things. Sorry.” And then I blushed so hard my hair lit on fire.

So then they went back to ignoring me as they should and then the elevator opened after another five minutes and I’m all “hooray!” (…yes out loud) and then they let me on first because I was totally clumsy and useless and I need to cling to the bar in the back of the elevator or it will immediately plummet to the ground). Not my brightest costume choice. So I stomp into the elevator, and turn around, and ohshit this is the one that goes 40+ and I needed 35. So now I need back off. And I’m way too embarrassed at this point to do anything but gape as they hit something like 49 which is the freaking TOP and I am TERRIFIED of elevators and WHY WOULD ANYONE GO SO HIGH EVER OH MY GOD. My hands are sweaty just thinking about it.

So, I should mention at this point, I had NO IDEA who Wil Wheaton was and had NO IDEA I was in the elevator with such a famous dude. So I, graceful as anything, mutter, “fuck, I’m so scared of elevators.” And I get another weird look. I then hyperventilate all the way up because THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ALCOHOL TO MAKE THIS OKAY (did I mention the elevators are glass so you can watch yourself go all the way up to where you’re going to die? Yes, really. Also the PRESSURE IN YOUR EARS changes. It’s NOT NORMAL.)

Then we get there and they got off and I leap out because that’s what I do when I get off an elevator in case it suddenly drops and I’m stuck in between the elevator and the floor. Now I just look utterly insane (before I looked normal) and I’m desperately wishing I didn’t wear my armor because I feel extra stupid and I should have just put my damn corset on so at least I could look hot while looking stupid.

So I think “AHA I will pretend this was on purpose and walk off like I’m going to a room and find the stairs and go down a level and then wait for the elevator there.” I shit you not, I didn’t even know who these men were and I was too embarrassed to show I’d ridden a death-vator up to their floor out of embarrassment about getting on the wrong one. I would have just run down the 10 flights but my costume would never have allowed it…the other flaw being the stairs are apparently invisible so if there’s ever a fire YOU WILL DIE if you’re on an upper floor in the Marriott.

So I start walking like I know where I am and I head down one hallway then this lady gets in front of me and holds her hand up and cocks her brow all ‘I know you don’t belong here, girl in armor.’ and I’m like “…do you know where the stairs are? Just looking for the stairs.” And she’s like “…no.” And now I’m so red I feel like I’m going to cry and I can seriously not move in this costume so I kinda waddle away while Wil and Wil’s friend walk over to that girl and she’s all “Are you Wil? Here’s this SUPER EXCLUSIVE party invite from (some celebrity whose name I can’t remember but apparently he was a big deal).” I kept lumbering around as if I were just trying to figure out which room was mine and finally admitted defeat and stood at the elevator, head down, and they wandered into a room chatting without even looking at me so it was a lot of pretending for nothing.

I then waited for 10min for the goddamn elevator, and then another 20min for ANOTHER elevator that would take me to the right floor.

I STILL DON’T KNOW WHERE THE FUCKING STAIRS ARE.

(It took me a month to remember this incident and Google to find out who the hell that guy was. I remembered the guy with him mentioning The Guild so I looked up who was there and realized ohshititwaswilwheaton. Why couldn’t I have freaked Felicia Day out? I bet she’d have been totally cool about it…plus, I would have recognized her and probably wouldn’t have looked like an idiot to begin with).

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9 responses »

  1. It was Dragon*Con. Wil expects these sorts of things as Cons. It could have been worse, you could have totally geeked out on him like I would have. I probably would have been stuttering. AND I AM MARRIED WITH TWO KIDS. But the dude is an old crush of mine and ohmygodIwouldhavefreaked.

    • I met Laurell K Hamilton and Terry Brooks and toooootally geeked out. And in 2008 I met Anne McCaffery and I cried because I am just that pathetic. Still… I managed to interrupt a private conversation between a star and his handler guy because I’m a socially inept dorkball. That’s how I try to be social — I interrupt people and sometimes they like me and usually they wonder if I’ve been drinking (I usually have).

      • I am jealous that you have met Anne McCaffrey. I devoured her books as a teenager. Pretty much all of them.

        I have no idea how to approach or meet famous people and that’s probably a good thing. Although, they seem to be infiltrating my city so I might run into one on accident one of these days (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are here right now. Not that I like the dude so meeting him would probably be a real letdown.)

      • Anne called me adorable and it was so awesome. I’ve met almost all of my favourite authors of all time and they’ve all been very nice. Not sure how I would behave around a big star I recognized either. Probably like an idiot. I’m not a fan of Cruise either. Although his new Mission Impossible looks really really cool. I had a really awesome reply written up and it got eaten so my new reply is lame. Sorry.

  2. You don’t know how many stories of awkwardness I could end with “so it was a lot of pretending for nothing.” (Hint: a lot.) All that pretending is so exhausting!

    • It really is! I’ve gone way out of my way for no good reason so much I wish there was an award for it. Must be that fallacy that leads us all to believe everyone else is only staring at us.

      Also I’m startled by how many people from the STFU blogs came to see my post. -toe scuff- I feel like I should edit it now so as not to disappoint anyone, I typed it up in a fit of embarrassed insomnia.

  3. Wil Wheaton, a glass elevator, and Ashlotte leaping from said elevator…sounds pure perfect! The party they were invited to was definitely lacking if you didn’t get an invite! Did you actually have a drink when you made it down? Meeting Hamiliton, Brooks, and Mccaffery requires a geek-out! I am jealous!

Wow, I can even change the prompt? Neat. Talk to me!

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